June 4, 2014

Last day of school. So bitter sweet. It was a good day for this one. I didn't feel so lonely. Not at school. Not after school. Up until I got home. Then I felt more alone than ever. Thank goodness the guardians weren't home. They still aren't and it is 6:50 PM. The most amazing news I got today. Tomorrow will be my last day in this house. I couldn't be happier in all honesty. As of right now in this hour I have 39 hours left. Never thought I would be counting down the hours in leaving this house. I got all my stuff packed up. Shipping my last 10 boxes tomorrow and then I will be living out of my suitcases for the next few days. I can't wait to get out of here and stay with Debbie for a few days. Hopefully I can go to my friends graduation party on Sunday.

No worries readers I will still keep you all updated while I am at Debbie's house :)

I noticed this morning how blessed I am to have all my amazing followers on my Anon twitter account and have all of the readers that I have.  To be honest this blog wouldn't mean as much to me if I didn't have any readers. Know that someone is on the other end of my blog reading my posts makes me feel like I am someone special. I haven't felt that way in a LONG ASS time! My parents and friends always made me feel special and I think that is why I had so much confidence. But since I moved I haven't been told that. Let alone felt special in any way, shape, or form. I just feel iced out.

No promises that this post will be as long as the last two.

I don't have much to write tonight since I have pretty much been by myself all day and ever since I got home. Until 3:45 when Chase and Colt got home. They have kept me in great company.

Today is the day that I have to ask Ivy if I can stay home tomorrow. I don't need to go to school tomorrow. I don't have any tests to take. I passed those classes with a 92 and 95. I feel great about that and the only people I can share it with are over a thousand miles away. They joy doesn't feel as joyful. The happiness doesn't feel as happy over the phone as it does in person. It is bittersweet. More bitter than the last day of school. Sharing the good news with the people I love the most over the phone is nice but it is also heart breaking sad.

I got to talk to my grandma today for the first time in a few weeks. I love hearing her voice over the phone. Her voice just makes me so much happier. She is probably one of the happiest people I know and that is why I love her so much. She has some sort of magic that she can just put a smile on my face and I don't have to fake it. Even if she is just talking about the neighborhood gossip, she can just put a smile on my face. That is whats so great about her. She is the best.

She has arrived home. The tension has become heavier. It is getting harder to breathe in this house with her in here too. Ivy is finally home. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN. I have to ask her a simple question

"Can I stay home tomorrow?" So much depends on that question. I pray that she says yes. If she says no I will just be bored out of my mind with nothing to do at school. Maybe I can have someone give him a ride home once she leaves. That would be so nice!

Update: She basically said yes. So I get to stay home and do a whole bunch of nothing tomorrow! I get to sleep in by 2 hours! then I get to count down the hours until I leave this awful and no good house. I get to leave and throw away all my hate and anger once I get in Debbie's car. I don't care that I will be sleeping on the couch again. I just get to leave this awful place that I once begged to call home.

Got amazing news from my amazing stepmom. They cleaned out the room that I will be temporarily staying in until we find a house of our own :)

Even though Ivy has still managed to rain on my parade without saying much words to my face. i still had a pretty good day. I can't wait to see what tomorrow and Friday brings me!

I never thought I would be the kind of girl to daily write something down about how my day went or about my feelings about something or someone. But, here I am typing my feelings out on this blog. It feels good to get my feelings out in the open. It may not be on the old fashioned paper. But this blog thing is working pretty well for me. I know I have more to say but I'm just trying to decide when I want to publish this post. I think I will do it in a few hours as it is now 8:39.

Do you ever feel like your words don't do something justice and you tell someone about everything that has been going on lately and they know the details too as if they have been there and then they read what you wrote and they comment to you

"I wouldn't tell it any different!" I hope that person is reading this post tonight because I have no clue how this awesome person came into my life but she has turned into my best friend from who knows where. I have never met her but it feels like I have. She is so funny and has been with me through all of this hard, awful, heart breaking pain. She has always given me an opinion on something when I needed it. Has been there when I didn't want anyone else to know. Given me the best advice on how to handle my guardians at times like tonight. I hope some day soon I get to meet her and I want to give her a HUGE hug and let her know that her wise words have helped me and saved me from such a deep and dark place. She was one of few people that helped me break free from this mad house. I have her to thank for so much of it. I hope she is reading this tonight because she deserves to feel special for everything that she has helped me with! :) Thanks so much Emily!!

Well, I am out of material to write for tonight so I hope you lovely bloggers enjoyed my post for tonight :) feel free to share my page with your friends and family!

XOXO Lonely Eq Girl