June 5, 2014

Tomorrow is the day. The day I leave and only leave my goodbye note. As of right now it is only 26 hours away. It is 7:30 AM. I 'm counting down the hours until I can leave this place and not look back. I can't wait. Tonight will be my last dinner. Today will be my last full day here. I ship my boxes off today and my bike. Every thing is going perfectly for me. On the other hand Ivy keeps complaining to me on all of this is just bad timing. Well she can shut the front door. It might be bad timing for her but it is good timing for me and my family. Her saying that shows to me that she is self centered, something she always told me she wasn't. For the past few weeks she has told me how spoiled I am, how annoying and awful my parents are, how bad my dad is, and all these nasty names toward my dad and I. I can't wait to hear what my mom has to say to her Friday evening. I don't know if I should expect texts and phone calls from Ivy, Tyler, and Pam. But I kind of am. Don't care how mean and hateful they might be asking to have me come back to the house. But no way in hell will I eve come back here. There will be no way that I will ever let them make me feel like the way I have felt for the past 5 months. No. Not at all. I won't make that mistake ever again. I am trying to type this right now as quietly as possible until Ivy leaves the house. I don't want her to know that I am awake. The family doesn't know that I am counting down the hours until I leave the house on Friday at 10 AM. I won't  cherish my last times in this house. I will worship them. I will take living in this house as one of the biggest learning experiences of my life yet. 

Tomorrow, I'll wake up at 8:30 hopefully without Ivy yelling at the kids to get up again. Then I will slowly start to get packed. My blankets, stuffed animals (yes I have some), any clothes, toothbrush, toothpaste, face washes, and any other items. 

I really need to stop anticipating this so much. But, it is so hard not to! I get leave the place that has been making me hate myself and has filled me with so much hate for myself and people. It isn't right for me, for anyone as a matter of fact. 

Only 22 hours and 48 minutes until I get to leave this place. Couldn't be happier. Current doing: laying on the catwalk and waiting for FedEx to come pick up the last of my packages. I am all by my lonesome self which is awesome! But, I really need FedEx to come so I can tell them that my bike is in the driveway and it needs to get picked up too! I will write more later. 

Time left? 18 hours and 56 minutes. Tyler just got home and the tension has come a little greater. I am ever so dearly dreading the moment when Ivy comes home. I can't wait for the kids to come home though. They will be a great reason for me to stay in my room. Colt and Coty love to play in my room. I hope everything goes according to plan tomorrow. If not, YOLO! 

Kids and Ivy are home. Goal of the night: Avoid Ivy!! I will eat dinner as slow as possible to avoid talking with her and anyone else. I will then shoot straight up to my room and hopefully she will be getting ready for the show. I will just hang out in my room for the rest of the night as I have been all week. Hopefully I can make my great escape tomorrow morning with no one home and just my note on the stove. I will not answer any texts from Pam, Ivy, or Tyler. Answer no calls. Listen to no voicemails. This is how it will be until I get to Colorado on Tuesday.

Tuesday. The day I get to see my dad. I get to see my stepmom. The day that I will be forever happy and blessed to live with my family again. I can't wait. It has been all I think about the last few days. How things will be. How happy I will be with my family. Father's Day will be right around the corner. I won't have to listen to Ivy rant anymore. Her annoying ass voice. It makes me cringe. The day I get to Colorado home again. My forever home.

I talked with my therapist for about 22 minutes. She couldn't be more excited for me that I am coming back home. That I will be getting out of this house tomorrow. She has different thoughts about how I should write my letter but I will stick with what my dad told me to write. Just plain and simple "Goodbye." People I will miss the most? The kids and all the friends that I have made here. People I want to never see again? Ivy and Tyler. Mostly Ivy. 

A quick little note.

To all of my lovely bloggers: Thank you so much for reading my blog posts. You couldn't imagine how much it means to me when I see how many views each post got. Know that I already have over 100 views makes me heart jump for joy! I love sharing my story to people if it is through blog or I am just telling them. I couldn't be more blessed that I moved here so I got this experience but at the same time I regret moving down here more than anything. I have you guys to thank for making these last few days for me so much better. You make me look forward to writing the next day and posting each blog piece up at the end of the day. I don't care if you judge me for my choices. I don't care if you love my blog. I am just glad that there are people out there in the world that take the time of day to read about how my day went. I would love to hear about how your day went and what you did. Feel free to leave a comment on a blog post (I have no clue how to) I would love to hear your feed back on my blog :) Please keep reading because it makes my day seeing the number of views I get each day :) I hope all of you had a LOVELY day! 

16 hours and 45 minutes left. The kids were home but just left to their grandma's. I guess that leaves Ivy, Tyler, and I in the house tonight. FUCKKKKK. I'll be as quite and nice as I can. Just counting down the hours until I leave. I will stay in my room as long as possible. Once it hits 10:00 PM I will close and lock my door then go to sleep hoping that Ivy doesn't wake me up in the morning. More like praying. It is 5:17 right now and it will probably take them until about 5:50ish until they get back. Just that much LESS time I get to spend in the awkward silence among them. All I can say is this is going to be a long post tonight. Hope you all don't mind a little reading :) I have my plan for tomorrow. All is in order so far. Which is freaking awesome. I will say that I am not hungry tonight so I don't have to go downstairs for dinner. I will stay in this room of mine watching Glee, Make It Or Break It, and The Secret Life Of The American Teenager. Tweet me suggestions of what to watch please!! I will keep you all updated until 10:00PM! 

12 hours and 57 minutes left. I haven't talked to Ivy since she has been home. SUCCESS! I can't wait for tomorrow morning. I will try my best to wake up at 8 and if Ivy hasn't left by then I will do what I did this morning. just listen through the crack in my door until I hear the door slam shut. I have every thing so perfectly planned out. I am starving!! I haven't had any food since anyone got home. I have no clue how I plan on going to sleep tonight on an empty stomach. I know that when I wake up I will eat all of the food I want and not give two fucks! Because I don't really care. 

Well, I am done with this post for today. Sorry for it being so long guys! Hope you enjoy :) Love you all so much, you all mean a lot to me :) 

XOXO Lonely Eq Girl